Tired of the disappointment. Either be my everything or don’t be anything at all. If you can’t give me that then deuces.
Some days it’s ok. You start to forget those little things that you used to smile about. You let go of those things you held on to so tightly hoping they’d stay in your arms forever. You start to do it all because you know it’s what he needs.
But some nights are like tonight. Every little thing gets you. Watching a movie about falling in love and remembering what that felt like. Wishing you could just go back to those first couple months where you’d never been happier. Watching a movie you saw together, listening to a song he once sent you. Watching couples exchange Christmas gifts and kiss under mistletoe. I never got to do that. It all comes flooding back in and all you want to do is talk to him and tell him you love him, but you’ll be disappointed with the response; he doesn’t love you anymore.
I’ve never been good at letting go. He’s the one thing I vowed I’d never give up on. He’s the only thing I’ve never given up on. But the sad realization is that it’s over. He knows it, says it, and acts like it, and I hold on to what was, hoping he will fall back in love. But he won’t, and that realization is what makes days like today so unbearably heartbreaking.
I know you have to let go of what you love. If they come back they’re yours and forever will be; if they don’t, they were never yours to begin with. I’ve come back every single time. But in the end his happiness is all that matters.
Here’s to a better, new year. One with more laughs, smiles, and happy memories.
I know I’m not beautiful and skinny and smart and talented like other girls. I can recognize that right out of the gate. I honestly don’t have an attribute worth mentioning. But you don’t have to let me know that I’m not someone special to you after dating for a year and a half. But you continue to watch other girls and think about them and talk to me about them like I’m your best guy friend and that’s what I’m here for. It’s not. I feel used anymore and you always turn it around on me. I can’t come to even think that I’m remotely attractive when you tell me I’m pathetic and I need to look like someone else. I’m not made that way and you call me a lazy liar. I’ve never felt so worthless thanks to you.
I want to do this one day. It would mean the world to me.
Looks like a challenge… I accept.
I’ll have a little girl just as cute one day!!!!